Firstly, thank you.
Thank you for standing by me when I was crumpled on the ground sobbing, not knowing how to get up one more time. Not understanding how I got there or how to get past it. No sleep, no help, no one close enough often enough to help me stop feeling so desperately alone. To tell people of the utter despair was to fail and to invite judgment. There wasn’t any more room in my head and heart for either.
When I stood up, you stood alongside me. You gave me moments of pleasure, joy and absolute comfort amongst the devastation and trauma. You gave me the minutes of feeling ‘not so bad’ that made me feel like I could keep going when I had no other option. I will forever be grateful for the strength you gave me when mine had run out.
My life has turned a corner, I’ve reached a point in my life where you are the only thing that I have not understood. I’m proud of all I’ve achieved at work, the mother I am growing to be and the way I hold my loved ones up when they need my strength and that the majority of my time is spent working to be the best I can for the people I love and that love me.
The time has come where I feel strong enough to take me back, no propping up, no buffering, no pretense, just me controlling the person I am and the person I want to be. My whole life I’ve wondered who I am, the identity they call it. The truth is, I’ve been here all the time, just hiding.
This weekend is our last weekend together, not because I need you, just because I choose to have you close for one more day. It’s my choice, not yours.
I will be forever grateful for all you have done, but I’ll take it from here.