We spend much of our life focused on the positive emotions that give us comfort and pleasure. Of course, these are the emotions that feel great and the ones we prefer to focus on, right?
But often, the emotions that are most useful to help us grow and change do not feel great at all. This is why buffering our feelings with food, alcohol, drugs, porn or Facebook can be detrimental to our personal growth.
Let’s look at the emotion, courage. Courage does not feel good, and yet is what we need most to help us break through and step up and do the things that we are scared to do. Courage is one of the most useful emotion, yet it is uncomfortable. Brene Brown quotes, ‘You can choose courage, or you can choose comfort. You cannot have both.’
Determination is another useful emotion. Determination does not accompany ease. Determination is what is needed to get to the other side.
Determination is not enjoyable nor comfortable. “A dream doesn’t become reality through magic: it takes sweat, determination, and hard work.” Colin Powel
Acceptance is a useful emotion. While acceptance is a valuable emotion, it too does not feel right. For us to come to terms with things we can’t control, we must embrace acceptance. To accept ourselves means to accept whatever it is without judgment. Remember, time does not heal everything, but acceptance will improve everything.
When you consider the results that you want to see in your life, which emotion would be useful to help you get there? Are you willing to feel useful, but uncomfortable, emotions to get there? Are you willing to feel vulnerable? “Vulnerability is not winning or losing: it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.” Brene Brown
There are also useful emotions that feel good. Confidence, for example. Not the kind of confidence when walking into a room thinking you are better than everyone. The kind of confidence when walking in not having to compare yourself to anyone at all. To being committed to stand behind your decisions and have your own back.
It’s from ‘confidence’ that we will take risks and do the things we need to do to show up fully in our lives.
Eager, excited, and curious are three emotions that feel good and are useful. Curiosity is one of the great secrets of happiness.
“The mind that opens to a new idea never returns to its original size.” Albert Einstein
When we are fully present in our relationship with others, we are curious about what is going on in their brains without judgment. There is a genuine curiosity about why someone is thinking the way they are feeling.
Emotion is more powerful than reason. Emotion is the driving force behind thinking and reasoning.
Emotional intelligence increases the mind’s ability to make confident, brilliant decisions.
No matter the situation, never let your emotions overpower your intelligence.
See you on the inside!